Many parents today are overwhelmed and busy, burdened with all the responsibilities that comprise the care and safeguarding of not only their children, but of their households, finances, health and, in most cases, their futures. To have casual, seemingly meaningless conversations with our children is often exhausting to us as parents; we have laundry to do, bills to pay, important meetings to attend, meals to cook and bathrooms to scrub.
Yet these everyday conversations with our children do more to benefit them than almost any other parenting or teaching "strategy." Unhurried conversations teach children the most important building blocks that they need to be successful academically, socially and emotionally. When we let our children talk without interrupting them, and when we truly listen to what they are saying and respond appropriately, we are teaching them to be good listeners and talkers. In educational terms, this is called receptive (listening with comprehension) and expressive (speaking with clarity) language skills.
Academically, strong receptive and expressive language skills give students the foundation for literacy. In the school where I teach urban youngsters to read and write, there is an obvious deficit in the pace of learning for those children for whom every day conversation is not a part of their lives. Often, their parents are so busy with the tasks of daily living that they simply don't have the energy or the time to listen with interest to a story their child wants to tell them about their day.
As teachers, we see that students who can have logical, clear, intelligible conversations are the same students who show interest in listening to stories, and, ultimately, in taking great pleasure from reading and writing. Children are not finished products, and they are not little adults. They are vulnerable in their development and, more often than we would like to believe, do not understand concepts and ideas that we take for granted.
When we speak too quickly to children or use language that is not developmentally appropriate for them; when we make an assumption that they should already know what we are talking about, we set them up for failure. Socially and emotionally, if children feel that they often do not understand the words or ideas of the adults around them, they will "shut down." Even a perfectly capable student will turn off to reading and writing if they are being spoken too in a harsh or demeaning manner, or, as we see in many students' lives, not really having meaningful conversations at home.
As good parents, we want the best for our children. Although we often think that expensive toys and clothes, or the latest DVD is a way to make our child feel secure and loved, the truth is that conversation is the key. It doesn't cost a dime to talk with your child, no matter how busy you are. By incorporating your child into your world of talking and listening, you will be doing more to help your child develop into a mature, secure and confident person.
In order for real conversations to take place between parents, teachers and children, adults have to be willing to slow down. A child may take much longer than we feel we have time for to express a single idea. Patience on the part of the adult will provide a "listening space" for the child, where he or she feels comfortable to take their time and say what they want to say. Children will, in turn, learn to be patient with others when they are speaking.
Modeling these skills helps children learn how to be appropriately behaved and how to process information across all contexts in their lives. It is, without question, enormously beneficial for them, and over time you may find it feels pretty good for you, too.